


Love Crimes

by shu_shumai



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Crack Taken Seriously, F/F, F/M, I love him, I love how that is a tag, Iruma Miu Being Iruma Miu, Kokichi is bad at feelings, M/M, Oma Kokichi Is a Little Shit, Phantom Thief AU, Trans Male Character, Trans Shuichi, also kokichi doesn’t give an f about gender roles, asexual kokichi, because I said so, but in a good way, he likes skirts teehee, idek what this is, internalized homophobia and transphobia, make sure to read the warnings before each chapter, mentions of homophobia and transphobia, oh my god they were roommates, oh yeah roommates au, so aged up ig, so does Shuichi;), sort’ve, there will be serious parts later on, they’re in college, yes I know original
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:08:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27695351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shu_shumai/pseuds/shu_shumai
Summary: The realization hit him like a firetruck. He was Rantaro’s friend? Kokichi slammed his head against the wooden table he was sitting at, making several people look over at the abrupt sound. Why did it have to be him?* * *In which Kokichi signs up for a bit more than he bargained for...and with it comes a train wreck full of unwanted emotions, running atop rooftops, and nine confused DICE members. Why in the world would the infamous phantom thief agree to this...?
Relationships: Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Comments: 10
Kudos: 46





	Love Crimes

**Author's Note:**

> Not me working on like six fics at once-
> 
> ANSJSJSJ This fic is a lot more lighthearted than my current one...for now~
> 
> Welcome to whatever this shitshow is, some of the ideas in this fic were based off another fic so once I can find it I will properly credit them. Seriously it’s so good. (Found these fic: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23425690 if the person who wrote this ever reads this fic...AHSHSJS I LOVE UR WORKKK)
> 
> Also side note for this au in particular, Kokichi is a lot more strategy and street smart than book smart so that’s why you see him struggle with school in this story. I actually he him being a straight A student, but I felt like this fit better. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy the story and a special thanks to my editor Kaito for helping me through my word vomit ✨

Kokichi Ouma was a showman. He thrived off the dramatics, the thrills, the chase. He lived off the surprised gasps of the crowd when he would dramatically reveal himself atop buildings, with the rest of DICE waiting in the shadows to make their smooth getaway. The flair, the flamboyance, the adrenaline. That was what he loved about his heists. 

That,  _ and _ a certain blue-haired detective. 

Detective Saihara made every heist worth it. What was the point of devising such detailed plans if no one was going to know about it? Why go through all the trouble if he wasn’t going to experience that blood-pumping thrill of chase? It was Saihara, with his long, black trench coat that fluttered behind him when he ran across the rooftops. It was his glowing golden eyes that conveyed a fiery passion with every word he spoke, insisting that he and DICE could resolve this without a fight. It was Detective Saihara, who consistently appeared at DICE’s heists for the good part of a whole year. How romantic! 

That very detective was late. 

Kokichi steadied himself against the windy rooftop, crouched low enough so his position wouldn’t be revealed before he was ready. He clutched a very expensive looking vase against his chest and clenched his teeth at the message lighting up his phone screen. 

**Big-Top:** We need to make a move soon, boss. Jack’s almost here with the car. 

He made eye contact with Big-Top—his large form just hidden in the shadow of the alley below—and Snake-eyes, who was tapping his foot anxiously against the stone wall. He nodded shortly, turning back to the bare expanse of the roof in front of him. No detective tonight, it seemed.

Adjusting his mask, he turned around with a dramatic swish of his cape, ready to announce his dramatic exit to the citizens, none-the-wiser, below. 

“Masked Thief!” A familiar voice spoke out. A large grin spread across Kokichi’s face and he turned back around with a flourish. The crowd below seemed to hear the dramatic greeting, causing several people to gasp in surprise and awe at the appearance of the famous Masked Thief and Detective Saihara.

“Mr. Detective!” He greeted in a boisterous voice. “Nice of you to finally join us!!” Saihara took a step forward—eyes flicking to Kokichi’s face, then down to his foot poised at the edge of the roof, and finally settling to the precious vase pressed against the thief’s chest. The detective took another hesitant step forward.

Kokichi waggled a finger at him. “Ah, ah, ah, Mr. Detective. Take one more step and you just might regret it~!” 

Saihara froze in his place. “This isn’t the time for your tricks!” His voice was strong, unwavering, as purple eyes met molten gold. “That vase is for charity. Hand it over, and we can talk this over.” 

Kokichi brought a finger to the large lips painted upon his mask, pretending to think. The detective’s eyes darted nervously to the vase when Kokichi balanced it on his hip. “No, I don’t think I will!” He finally responded. The thief took a small step backward, smiling wickedly under his mask. “It’s the same thing every time, Mr. Detective! We need something  _ fresh _ ! Something  _ new _ !” Kokichi adjusted his cape nonchalantly before further explaining. “‘We can work this out, blah blah blah.’ I run away and you chase me. Where’s the plot twist that no one sees coming? It’s like a book with no climax!” 

Blue eyebrows furrowed when Kokichi took another small step backward. It was the detective’s thoughtful look. The look he got when he was trying to figure out Kokichi’s plan when it was happening right under his nose! Ha! 

Another text buzzed in his pocket. That must be his ride ready to go. Saihara opened his mouth to say something else when Kokichi spoke abruptly.

“Apologies, my Dear Detective, but it seems it’s time to part!” Kokichi glanced across the street, where he could see Jack, Jester, and Ace waiting with the car. 

“Wait-!” The last thing Kokichi saw before he threw a colourful smoke bomb and jumped off the roof was Saihara’s outstretched hand. Haha! The look on his poor face! How was that for something new? Turmoil swept over the crowd at Kokichi’s disappearance. Big-Top caught him in large, muscular arms. “Nice job, boss!” he whispered enthusiastically. Kokichi grinned, tossing the vase over to Snake-Eyes. 

They ran out of the alley, snickering at the surprised looks of the crowd that gathered around the building he’d stood atop of. Kokichi glanced behind them. Saihara had caught up with them with those long legs of his. “Wait!” The blue-haired detective cried out.

“Parting is such sweet sorrow, my dear!” They slipped into the car, which took off immediately. “Until next time!!” Kokichi’s voice drowned out Saihara’s frantic shouting. The detective sprinted after the car, his image getting smaller and smaller as the car sped away.

***

Kokichi hated college. He wasn’t sure if anyone actually  _ enjoyed  _ college, other than his freak friends that had somehow persuaded him to even  _ take _ college classes. He’d never been good at school. Or rather, he never tried to be. He’d done the bare minimum to graduate, and had a wonderfully thought out plan to bullshit the rest of his way through life.

But  _ fucking _ Ranty, Miu, and Kiiboy had practically forced him into college. He wasn’t quite sure why  _ they  _ were the ones complaining about  _ his  _ complaining. They brought this onto themselves!

_ “But Kokichi, you got a scholarship, you should at least take advantage of it!”  _

Well they could pretend to be Kokichi Ouma for all he cared. The only reason he’d even gotten the scholarship had been from a lottery. So that’s why he didn't feel the least bit guilty when he brought it up to his  _ actually _ smart friends. 

He’d had a rough time in class that day—and before he could even have a second to breathe, Rantaro had practically shoved Kokichi into his rusty old truck muttering something about “tea and food”. Which ended up not being  _ real  _ tea, but instead Rantaro providing a dramatic rendition of a break up that took place right in the middle of his psychology class. Apparently his eccentric professor had started crying during the splitting couple’s fight and had to excuse himself from class. 

Kokichi was sipping lazily at his sugary drink, not really paying attention as Rantaro neared the end of his story.

“…Kokichi!” 

The leader flinched, eyes flicking at the others.. “Wh...What?”

“You look like shit!” Miu cackled. Kokichi gave her an exaggerated scowl.

“Miu is such a meanie!!” He let fake tears brim over his eyes. “I can’t believe you’re my friend!!!” 

Kiibo sent him an unamused look. “She’s called you worse, Ko.” Kokichi wiped away the excess tears and smiled widely. 

“Wow, Kiiboy! You really can see right through me!”

“You looked deep in thought,” Rantaro mused. 

Kokichi comically widened his eyes. “Oh, I totally was planning a murder in my head! These plastic forks are  _ perfect  _ for stabbing!!”

With a sigh, Rantaro rested his head against his fist. “Something’s up with you, Kokichi.”

Kokichi feigned shock. “Is Ranty a mind-reader! Quick! What am I thinking right now?!”

“ _ Don’t  _ call me Ranty.” 

“Wow that’s waaaaay off! You’re a pretty crappy mind-reader, not-Ranty!”

“Seriously, what’s up?” Kiibo interjected. Electric blue eyes peered at him curiously. Kokichi huffed loudly. 

“I’m thinking of dropping college.” His tone had gone quiet—the way it usually sounded when he was forced to tell the truth. The small boy sunk into himself, seemingly embarrassed. 

“WHAT?” Miu roared, then quickly quieted down by a sharp elbow from Kiibo. “Why?” She asked in an exaggerated whisper. 

Kokichi rolled his eyes. “The classes are too hard. And it’s not like I’m ever going to need to know the ‘main idea of  _ Fight Club _ ’ in the future. I have better things to do.” 

Rantaro snorted. “Yeah? Like what?”

Kokichi grinned widely. “I could drink straight from a lake! Orrrrrr eat someone’s birthday cake!!” He brought a finger to his lips. “I could dig a hole...then dig an even bigger hole! There’s so much out there,  _ Ranty _ !” 

Miu crossed her legs, uncrossed them, then crossed them again. “Being serious,” she warned. “College will help you get a job, Kichi. I mean I’ve already gotten job offers because of my performance in class.” The other two nodded in agreement. 

Kokichi provided a wry laugh. “You have to be  _ good  _ at school to get job offers.” He irritably twirled a lock of his floppy purple hair. “I’m  _ not _ .”

Rantaro looked lost in his head for several heartbeats before he slammed his fist on the table. “OH!” he exclaimed. 

“WHAT?” Kokichi mocked. 

“I have a friend that can tutor you!!”

“You have  _ friends _ ?” 

Rantaro elbowed Kokichi sharply before continuing. “I can set up a time where you two can meet up.” 

Kokichi frowned. Having a tutor meant he would appear stupid. He honestly tried to work diligently in all of his classes, but more often than not, he just couldn’t hit the mark. The work was confusing and made his head spin. The art of lying was nothing compared to the copious amount of busy-work he was often assigned. It took up precious time that he should be using for research and planning for DICE’s next heist. He opened his mouth to object, but Kiibo swiftly intervened.

“Just meet them, and then you can decide if you want to continue or drop out. Okay?” 

Kokichi nodded slowly, hating himself for being so easily swayed. “Fine,” he grumbled. 

*** 

**Group Chat: The Golden Trio + Miu (2:45 p.m.)**

**LiarLiar:** I’ve been sitting here for half an hour. He better have a good excuse 

**Freshavocado:** he’s not there yet? 

**InspectorGadget:** oh my fuckin god he fuckin dead

**CorporalCapeman:** Miu don’t say that! >:(

**InspectorGadget:** pussy

**Freshavocado:** alright I texted him. He apologizes and says he’s almost there

**LiarLiar:** He better be sorry. It smells like dust, old books, and nerds in here!!

The hypnotic sound of pages turning and clacking of computer keys had graced Kokichi’s ears for what seemed like forever. He’d begun to doze off when the library doors opened, causing his head to snap up. Amidst the rich, wooden groan of the doors, a person appeared.

Detective Saihara. 

The very detective that had been chasing Kokichi for over a year was standing at the doorway. He was wearing no trench coat--instead, neatly iron slacks and a button down shirt. On top of his dark blue hair rested a hat, its brim dipping down far enough to obscure part of his face, which made it difficult to make eye contact. He looked like a completely different person than he was on the field. 

Kokichi’s first thought was that he had finally been caught and Saihara was here to take him to jail. But the soft-spoken, fidgety guy that stood before him now was a stark contrast to the ever so determined, confident detective in the force… so the option of being arrested wasn’t so likely.

The realization hit him like a firetruck.  _ He  _ was Rantaro’s friend? Kokichi slammed his head against the wooden table he was sitting at, making several people look over at the abrupt sound. Why did it have to be  _ him _ ?

**Author's Note:**

> Hoo boy what has Kokichi gotten himself into~ 
> 
> Guess you’ll have to keep reading to figure it out...convenient isn’t it? AHSHSJSK Seriously though I hope you enjoyed this chapter and will enjoy the ones soon to come.
> 
> “The door belted ‘AHHHH SOMEONE HAS ENTERED THE ESTABLISHMENT AND HE LOOKS LIKE YOUR BOYFRIEND, SHUICHI SAIHARA’” -Kaito Momota 2020 😻


End file.
